Getting Divorced Or Separating ? The Three Ways You Might Come To An Agreement For Your Children’s Arrangement
If you’re on the verge of separating? Or trying to work out a custody arrangement with your ex-partner that you both agree on? Read about the four ways you can agree with your children’s arrangements.
If you and your partner are divorcing, making child custody agreements that work for both of you may seem insurmountable. It’s difficult to picture a future that feels good while you’re hurt and furious.
And, while it may not happen overnight, you and your partner will get there if you stay focused on what matters most to you both: your children.
.When you split up, there are four ways to work out child custody agreements.
There are four options for reaching an agreement. Your relationship and financial position will determine which option is best for you and your children’s other parent. You’ll have to compromise in some way, no matter what you do.
Agree Between Yourselves
This is the cheapest and, in certain cases, the quickest option, but it is undeniably difficult. You’ll have to figure out how to talk about it without letting your emotions get in the way.
Agree with the other parent ahead of time on how and when you will try to reach an agreement. Don’t just bring it up and try to have a conversation about it right away. Nobody enjoys being surprised, and you’ll have a far higher chance of reaching an agreement if you both believe you’ve chosen this path and want it to work.
Consider what you want to agree on before you meet, always keeping the best interests of the children in mind. Then figure out what you want and where you have some leeway. If you have any idea how the other parent feels about it, see what you can do to make it more appealing to them.
Try to agree on what is most important and take care of it first. Although you may have different priorities, addressing the issues that are most concerning to each of you first will help things go more smoothly.
As much as possible, try to stay on topic. Keep in mind that you’re discussing what will happen in the future. If you keep bringing up each other’s past mistakes, you’re not going to get very far.
If you’re meeting in person, writing down the important points on a piece of paper might help you stay on track and give you something to focus on if you start to feel agitated or irritated, or if one of you starts to stray from what you need to talk about.
If you try to make plans by email, keep in mind that because you can’t see emotions or hear the tone of voice, it’s even easier to take offence, so staying cool and to the point is even more vital.
Use Family Mediation
This is where you and the other parent meet with a mediator who has been adequately trained to assist you in setting aside your emotions and focusing on the issues that need to be resolved. The mediator will not take sides or decide what is fair for you; instead, they will assist you in your conversations.
Many people claim that one of the benefits of mediation is that it allows them to communicate again, which can only be a good thing given that you will always be your children’s parents.
Take Your Case To Court
To be clear, going to court should only be used as a last resort. It can often lead to further deterioration of relationships, making it more difficult to function as parents in the aftermath, and leaving everyone involved hurt, anxious, and in poorer health (even if you do it without the help of a solicitor).
People may believe they are going to court for the wrong reasons. Perhaps they are unwilling to compromise and believe that the court will grant them their every wish. However, this is highly unlikely because courts do not favour one party over another and instead seek to find a solution that everyone can agree on. People frequently expect that the court will reward or ‘punish’ the other parent for their previous behaviour. You will be disappointed if this is what you seek.
Sometimes parents want to take their dispute to court because they believe that fighting their children every step of the way will demonstrate their love for them. However, going to court isn’t the greatest approach to accomplish this. Making sacrifices to ensure that the new circumstance provides the children with what they require, even if it is unpleasant for you, is far more likely to be successful.
There are only five legitimate reasons to take a child custody case to court. They are as follows:
- If you have legitimate concerns about the safety or well-being of your child with the other parent.
- If any of you feels threatened or uncomfortable.
- If one of you has been obstructing the other parent’s access to the child.
- Perhaps you haven’t received a satisfactory answer from your partner. A court filing might sometimes be useful to start a conversation. Often, the court process will come to a halt after the first hearing because a settlement can be struck.
- The parent who is responsible for the children has relocated and cannot be found. If the other parent lives in England and Wales, the court can help locate and contact them.
If you find yourself in one of these circumstances, you can either represent yourself or use a child custody attorney.
If your position isn’t as severe as it appears, it’s usually best to try again – perhaps using a different strategy such as family mediation or trying to agree between yourselves.
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